Do you wonder about me as I wonder about you?

rone de aaj humko... do aankhen sujhaane de
baahon mein le le aur khudh ko bheeg jaane de

hai jo seene mein kaid dariya... woh choot jayega
hai itna dard ke tera daaman... bheeg jayega

Did you have a good long weekend? I haven't seen you for days. I miss you. I know I'm not supposed to say that but I do. I got used to having you around. Have you cured your insomnia? I haven't. I still sleep with my laptop next to me so when I turn over, I can see if you're there. But you haven't been there for a few days. It's only been a few days but it seems longer somehow. I guess I'm just lonely. I danced with my pillow last night. Can't remember the last time I did that. Actually, yes, I do. It was in that basement right after I had moved in. I would switch off all the lights and play sad songs and dance with pillows. Don't tell me you've never done that. I'll bet you have, if even in your head. That was when I drew her. The face in the mirror. In the haze of sadness and paint fumes, I drew as best I could. I think I want to be like this. I think I am like this. Sometimes I wish I wasn't her. She looks different to me every time I see her. The image is so familiar to me, yet alien. I don't think I could draw it again. I was listening to sad songs on the train back home today and it made me want a car so I could go driving in the snow with you, listening in silence. I wish you would ring me. You have my number. A subconscious sneaky play made sure of that. In my defence though, I wasn't thinking of now back then. But I think I'd like to talk to you. I don't have a clue as to what we would talk about but maybe we could listen to the silence. I walk around in the darkness sometimes and peer into people's faces when they smile at me, just in case they've recognized me. It makes me want to be invisible sometimes. (I am now inspired to write a detailed philosophical argument on the subject of how the 'always on' generation craves personal contact even more now that they've been weaned on the Internet). What did we do before the Internet? We definitely did not think about people as much, I'm sure.

Or maybe I always did.