Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Because I couldn't be arsed

Lola: Dude! Where have u been?
Wolfe: hang on
Wolfe: yes hello wot
Wolfe: here i am
Lola: So look, like wot is the deal?
Wolfe: people are sick
Lola: You are free from June 26th to July 2nd?
Wolfe: and therefore time must be spent with them
Lola: Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooo
Lola: Your dad?
Wolfe: no
Lola: Is he okay?
Wolfe: he's fine
Wolfe: this is friend's mother
Wolfe: it's complicated
Wolfe: i'm still trying to get tickets booked
Wolfe: and i don't have my UK visa yet
Lola: UK Visa?
Wolfe: it's all very .. ugh..
Lola: For august?
Wolfe: yes
Wolfe: so here is the posish
Wolfe: first i have to get my UK visa
Wolfe: before i do anything else
Wolfe: which will determine when i can actually leave dubai
Wolfe: the latest being the 26th
Wolfe: earlier would be better
Wolfe: since that would mean more time in europe
Wolfe: however, the schengen takes 10 days
Wolfe: you follow so far?
Wolfe: so i can't get the schengen until i get the UK because if the passport is stuck at the schengen place, the UK will not get stamped and then I'll have to leave and it won't have happened and i won't be able to get it in the US in time to go to the UK and then they'll fire me and i'll be poor again
Wolfe: in all of this, RK's mother decided to get high b.p. and my mother had to be packed off to london with her to get emergency medical procedures done
Wolfe: are you with me so far or have i lost you?
Wolfe: now, i can't get the UK visa because i need a letter from The Company..
Wolfe: telling the british embassy that i'm not a terrorist
Wolfe: or a defector
Wolfe: that letter has not arrived yet
Wolfe: even after having requested it about a month ago
Wolfe: so therefore in summation, we're waiting for the HR woman at The Company to get her act together before we can enjoy the sunny beaches of greece
Lola: I'm here - still reading.
Wolfe: you can't be reading slower than i type
Lola: wot? we are still doing greece?
Lola: who is RK?
Lola: and what is Company?
Lola: and how badly do you want to slap me?
Wolfe: i use greece as a metaphor.. at this point, it doesn't matter..
Wolfe: RK is very good personal friend of the family who cannot be abandoned when his mother gets high b.p.
Wolfe: Company as in The Company.. my future employer and payer of massive monies to try and get me to not be poor again... ergo ->important people
Wolfe: I don't want to slap you..
Lola: awwww....
Wolfe: i wouldn't mind a merry jig around the table
Lola: lol
Lola: Wow - sounds like major complication.
Wolfe: high b.p. usually is..
Lola: But hopefully, The Company can convince UK embassy of your noble intentions in the US.
Wolfe: i would advise you, young lola, to watch out for that particular malady
Lola: Oh dear.
Wolfe: hopefully The Company can do it this century
Lola: How old is the mother?
Wolfe: 84
Wolfe: so my mother is now in london..
Lola: Well,that's not a surprise then.
Wolfe: she was rung up last night and this afternoon she pushed off
Wolfe: much like the high in demand global consultant we all aspire to be one day
Lola: you aspire to be.
Lola: I aspire to simply go to greece.
Wolfe: don't tug at my heartstrings, young l
Lola: oh sorry, did not mean to.
Lola: do not worry - all will be well.
Wolfe: greece
Wolfe: the land of olives
Wolfe: it's like mecca
Wolfe: wrapped up in filo
Wolfe: i saw a documentary on how filo is made and my eyes welled up
Lola: look listen -
Lola: do you know what your purpose in life is? if you do, happen by chance to know mine?
Wolfe: my mouth did too because i was greedily salivating at the prospect of encountering lebanese mithai in the near future but that is another matter
Wolfe: i know wot your purpose in life is
Lola: lebanese mithai! I love it.
Lola: wot?
Wolfe: it is to amuse me
Lola: ahh, I see.
Wolfe: (insert hideous laugh here)
Lola: I thought it would be to drive all myf riends crazy with my paranoia
Wolfe: we have no purpose, l.. our aim is to find happiness and salvation..
Wolfe: i shall export you some leb. mit.
Lola: nooo, I want to have a purpose.
Lola: Or at the very least, be famous.
Wolfe: you can be famous
Lola: I am afraid I shall die unwanted and unknown.
Wolfe: well..
Lola: I think that is my new thing to obsess about.
Wolfe: not to your near and dear.. which is always a good thing..
Lola: Because you know, I need a new thing every month.
Wolfe: well as long as you have an obsession goal
Wolfe: because, you know, you can't fully obsess without a clear goal
Lola: Yes?
Lola: true...
Lola: Well, I hope RK's mother is alright.
Lola: Or gets better.
Wolfe: i hope so too
Wolfe: i miss my mother
Wolfe: selfishly
Lola: Awwww
Wolfe: she will not return in time for my birthday
Wolfe: which isn't that big a deal since we will not do anything important.. but still..
Lola: Oh nooooooooooo
Lola: Well, I'll tell you waht.
Wolfe: wot?
Lola: When you come back Stateside, we'll do sth.
Wolfe: we should
Wolfe: in lieu of greece
Lola: We'll cut a cake and everything.
Lola: Maybe the cake can be made of filo.
Wolfe: in memory of filo
Wolfe: hah!
Lola: Well, all is not lost.
Lola: You could come back here and we could do Mexico, I spose.
Wolfe: i shall try and return soon.. i'm quite bored in dubai
Lola: Why?
Wolfe: sigh
Lola: I would love to be in dxb.
Wolfe: i'll have to get a visa for mexico
Lola: I have not been there is so long - I miss it.
Lola: I miss the good old days.
Wolfe: why can't i be an international citizen?
Lola: I need a visa for mexico too - silly.
Lola: I miss the old days when life was not complicated.
Wolfe: well.. seeing as i don't go anywhere or do anything fun and am either doing housework or being yelled at, it's not much fun
Lola: And all we did was run around and have harmless crushes.
Lola: And wear hideous clothes that were the fashion at the time.
Wolfe: yes.. those were good days.. but they were still stressful for me
Lola: Oh dear - yes that doesn't sound like fun.
Wolfe: quite frankly, it's better now
Lola: You are lucky.
Lola: You do not live in the past.
Wolfe: now i don't get yelled at that often since i don't live here that often
Lola: Because you appreciate your present.
Wolfe: my past wasn't that spectacular
Wolfe: my present is better
Lola: As opposed to Miss Obsession here....
Wolfe: you had a nice past
Lola: I suppose - I have been very fortunate.
Wolfe: i think having an obsession, especially a new one every month, is rather healthy
Wolfe: it is definitely decadent..
Lola: I miss you. Come back soon.
Wolfe: as soon as the damn HR woman gets the fear of God in her from my nasty emails
Wolfe: i shall ring her and yell at her soon if she doesn't pull her socks up
Wolfe: never met an HR person i liked
Lola: Yes, most are nasty.
Lola: My current HR person is quite nice, tho.
Wolfe: on the surface
Lola: Another reason I do not want to leave my job -
Wolfe: inside, they're all fishes
Lola: fishes?
Lola: like slimy?
Lola: with scales?
Lola: with gills?
Lola: with tails?
Lola: with fins?
Wolfe: with no soul
Lola: ahhhh
Lola: deep.
Wolfe: i am now watching this saxena woman from dove at the ad awards
Wolfe: she seems daft
Wolfe: i shall blog this conversation
Lola: why?
Lola: saxena woman?
Lola: what saxena woman?
Wolfe: because i haven't updated the blog in a while and this is a good account of life thus far
Wolfe: i shall blog this conversation
Lola: why?
Lola: saxena woman?
Lola: what saxena woman?

Pey: hello!
Wolfe: how goes?
Pey: eh. it goes. you? have you started your job yet?
Wolfe: no
Wolfe: i'm still in dubai
Wolfe: fed up to my eyeballs in vacation time
Pey: you are? i didn't know you were going
Wolfe: i went'
Wolfe: i am
Wolfe: here i be
Pey: so you did, are, have
Pey: you should have taken me with you!
Wolfe: as carry on?
Pey: you could have tucked me under your shirt
Wolfe: you have an armpit fetish now?
Pey: not under your armpit...jeez
Pey: are you bringing anything back for me from dubai?
Wolfe: erm..
Wolfe: harem girls?
Pey: that would be nice. how many can you bring? dubai girls are hot!
Wolfe: two
Wolfe: one under each arm
Pey: that might give them an armpit fetish. that'd be weird
Wolfe: or a smell
Pey: mmm, smelly harem girls...
Pey: YUK!!!!
Pey: don't screw this up!!!
Wolfe: pey, you're a very gross man
Wolfe: have you convinced anyone to hire you yet?
Pey: no, they all think i'm gross
Pey: or that I ask for too much money
Wolfe: lower your standards
Pey: and no one has been willing to give me a secretary or intern to work under me
Wolfe: did you mention armpits?
Pey: no but i think boobs came up
Wolfe: sigh
Pey: you didn't think we could get through this whole conversation without boobs coming up, did you?
Wolfe: one can always hope
Pey: soooo, since it's so hot over there, do you let those babies roam around free? heheh
Wolfe: sigh
Wolfe: go away
Pey: i will not!
Pey: when do you start? when are you coming back?
Wolfe: july 2, i don't know
Pey: that's a long time to be away from me. what will you do until then?
Wolfe: count my lucky stars?
Pey: i'll send you a picture of myself to put next to your bed
Wolfe: don't
Wolfe: my parents might get us married
Pey: i want seven kids, maybe a set of triplets
Wolfe: i ain't birthin' no babies!
Pey: just so you know, i'm planning on having several wives
Wolfe: i would expect nothing less from you
Wolfe: i'm planning on having a few myself
Pey: wives? maybe we can share.
Wolfe: no thank you
Wolfe: i don't want your cooties
Pey: i've been exercising my cooties. they look HOT
Pey: why are my conversations with you always so damn weird????
Wolfe: i bring out the best in people
Pey: clearly

And to top it off, I can't find a decent women's dive watch anywhere in this damn town. Apparently, they don't expect women to do that sort of thing. You know. Engage in sports. Bah.

1 comment:

Lippy said...

"Wolfe: i bring out the best in people"

Clearly, that says it all.