Things that baffle me about India and possible explanations
1. Why everybody yells at you all the time – at airports, in hotels, on the street, in temples: they’re underpaid, overworked, not getting laid often enough, think you have something they want or that you’re trying to gyp them by failing to read a sign correctly
2. How even the skinniest driver/porter can lug your massive 25 kg bag up and down stairs and in and out cars/trucks/vans and not think it’s heavy: large quantities of ghee in diet
3. Why they levy a ‘luxury tax’ on your hotel stay when the paint is peeling, the shower doesn’t work, there is no heat or air, the sheets are damp, the towels are dirty and the curtains are dusty: they’re so poor that having four walls, a ceiling (albeit cracked) and a floor is considered luxury
4. Why they think it’s bizarre to find a woman travelling alone managing her own affairs: Indian wimmen are prolly only good at bargaining at shops and do not possess the brain power to actually live life or be useful at things that matter. It should be noted that I am crap at bargaining at shops, a swap I’m willing to pay extra for.
5. Why nobody has a sense of personal space: see #1 above
6. How anyone can wear Punjabi juttis: their feet have been hobbitized after years of conforming to Punjabi juttis
7. Why the entire country smells like a latrine even though there are no cows on the streets anymore: men will poop and pee anywhere. They will also, at every given opportunity grab their genitals – at airports, in hotels, on the street and in temples.
8. Why people are either too loud or too soft: loud when they’re yelling at you (see #1) or talking on the phone while pushed up against you (see #5) and soft when they’re asking you important immigration questions (see #4)
9. Why everybody on the road honks for everybody else to give way: Indian drivers have an unnatural sense of entitlement combined with absolutely no civic sense
10. Why Indian people have no civic sense, even in the holy town where the religion is based on community and goodwill toward man: see #14 below
11. Why hotels in Amritsar are obsessed with 80s English pop music: it’s still the 80s in Amritsar
12. Why it takes an Air India office manager two hours to unsuccessfully issue you a ticket when you can do it yourself in 10 minutes online: Air India office managers are all morons. Sweet and kindly. But morons.
13. Why female Air India ticketing agents can never sort out your tickets and check-in without needing help from the manager: see #4 above
14. Why people think that bad behavior is acceptable: I have no explanation for this. It baffles me.
That being said, it’s very cute when little surdi boys run up to you and say “Sat Sri Akal didi, thwade paas chingum haigi?!”
2. How even the skinniest driver/porter can lug your massive 25 kg bag up and down stairs and in and out cars/trucks/vans and not think it’s heavy: large quantities of ghee in diet
3. Why they levy a ‘luxury tax’ on your hotel stay when the paint is peeling, the shower doesn’t work, there is no heat or air, the sheets are damp, the towels are dirty and the curtains are dusty: they’re so poor that having four walls, a ceiling (albeit cracked) and a floor is considered luxury
4. Why they think it’s bizarre to find a woman travelling alone managing her own affairs: Indian wimmen are prolly only good at bargaining at shops and do not possess the brain power to actually live life or be useful at things that matter. It should be noted that I am crap at bargaining at shops, a swap I’m willing to pay extra for.
5. Why nobody has a sense of personal space: see #1 above
6. How anyone can wear Punjabi juttis: their feet have been hobbitized after years of conforming to Punjabi juttis
7. Why the entire country smells like a latrine even though there are no cows on the streets anymore: men will poop and pee anywhere. They will also, at every given opportunity grab their genitals – at airports, in hotels, on the street and in temples.
8. Why people are either too loud or too soft: loud when they’re yelling at you (see #1) or talking on the phone while pushed up against you (see #5) and soft when they’re asking you important immigration questions (see #4)
9. Why everybody on the road honks for everybody else to give way: Indian drivers have an unnatural sense of entitlement combined with absolutely no civic sense
10. Why Indian people have no civic sense, even in the holy town where the religion is based on community and goodwill toward man: see #14 below
11. Why hotels in Amritsar are obsessed with 80s English pop music: it’s still the 80s in Amritsar
12. Why it takes an Air India office manager two hours to unsuccessfully issue you a ticket when you can do it yourself in 10 minutes online: Air India office managers are all morons. Sweet and kindly. But morons.
13. Why female Air India ticketing agents can never sort out your tickets and check-in without needing help from the manager: see #4 above
14. Why people think that bad behavior is acceptable: I have no explanation for this. It baffles me.
That being said, it’s very cute when little surdi boys run up to you and say “Sat Sri Akal didi, thwade paas chingum haigi?!”
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