Spoons, knives, forks, plates and wrappers

My mother, bless her, collects plasticware. Not as a hobby you understand. As a necessity I think. I think she thinks that one day we'll wake up and there won't be any silverware and plates left and that all our leftovers will oxidize themselves silly because the world will have stopped making cling wrap. Or maybe this is her way of caring for the environment. I really couldn't tell you.

There's a drawer in the kitchen reserved just for plasticware. There are two BAGS of plasticware in the cupboards above the door. She won't use them. She won't let anyone use them. If you use them, she'll wash them and put them away. Like they're precious. I think she's saving them to use at my sister's wedding. That's right, Googs. When you get married, expect a big showy wedding with the guests eating out of high-quality carefully preserved antique plasticware.

So when she's not looking I use them. Then I throw them away. Recklessly. That's right, I'm bold. I don't think about wot will happen if we run out of plasticware. Oh no, not me. Throw caution to the wind, I say! Carpe Diem my boy, carpe diem. In fact, if I feel like a second cup of coffee, I discard the spoon used to stir the first cup and use another. I use a knife to cut sammiches in half even though I really don't care wot size they are just so I could use another piece of high-tech plastic equipment. That's how daring I can be. Don't mess with me, bubba.

I've just had a sammich (chicken pepper salami with cream cheese) and I'm going to throw caution to the winds and toss the plastic plate into the bin. Just you watch me, I'm going places I am.

Better hide it underneath some other garbage or she'll see it.