Hello, yes, tell me

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India...

1. Infosys, Bangalore:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. Oracle, Bangalore: For a mundan ceremony:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. CDAC: For a daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. For a funeral:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. For a fever:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. To the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another one for the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both (!!)for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

You think this is funny? Here's an actual conversation I had earlier today -

Self: Hello, is this Highland Hotel?
Highland Hotel Resident Genius: Yes, hello, your good name please?
Self: Wolfe. Good or bad, such as it is.
HHRG: Yes, hello, how can I help you ma'am?
Self: You have a reservation for a Mr. and Mrs. coming in today on the 8:30 flight that need to be picked up at the airport. They've missed their connection and will be arriving at midnight instead. Could you please ensure they get picked up?
HHRG: Hello? Yes?
Self: Hello? Can you hear me?
HHRG: Yes, hello, tell me.
Self: *sigh* Mr. and Mrs. Do you have a reservation for them?
HHRG: Yes. Tell me.
Self: They are to be picked up at 8:30 pm tonight?
HHRG: Ok, from where?
Self: *chewing pencil* The airport. You already have this booking. Do you not?
HHRG: Ok, please wait madam, I will check.
Self: Go right ahead.
HHRG: Yes, madam, we have booking.
Self: Good. Now listen closely. The 8:30 pick-up time has now been changed to midnight. Do you understand?
HHRG: But we didn't hear the plane is delayed.
Self: It isn't delayed. At least, not that I know of. However, that is irrelevant. They've missed their connecting flight and will be on the next one. That one arrives at midnight. I just want to make sure you'll send a car to the airport to pick them up.
HHRG: Yes, madam, the booking is already there, I will send the car at 8:30, no problem.
Self: *poking pencil in eye* There is a problem.
HHRG: Yes, madam, tell me, no problem.
Self: Who is going to pick them up? *twisting pencil in further to reach recesses of brain in vain hope that will pass out and won't have to continue this conversation*
HHRG: Arabian Adventures.
Self: Could I have their number please?
HHRG: Please hold the line. The number is xxx-xxxx.
Self: Thank you, goodbye.
HHRG: No problem, madam. We will see you and Mr. at 8:30.
*click* *lying on the floor, twitching and muttering*