My face is like a minefield

Deluged with pimples. Is deluged the word I want? Well anyway, you know wot I mean. Beseiged. Overwhelmed. Much like the rest of me. Overwhelmed.

There is so much to do. There are projects to hand over, financing to be found, sites to be built, specifications to be written, clients to be met, homework to be done, housing to be arranged, bags to be packed, tickets to be bought, parents to be fed, printers to be fixed... the list just doesn't end.

I know why my face is like a minefield. It's punishment. For being a horrible person. The sort of person who yells at nice, sweet, well-meaning, efficient, understanding, capable (did I mention nice?) Account Managers. And Technical Leads. For making jokes. That they have every reason to make. And instead of laughing along, wot do I do? I snap at them. Loudly. So everyone can hear. And then they're embarassed.

And then Dad keeps getting mad at me. And I don't know wot I've done.

And it just doesn't end. The list of things to do. It won't end. I have no more energy left. I can't take care of all these people and myself. I'm too tired. I'm tired and I feel like a horrible person for being tired and incapable of taking care of my life. I've made my choices but I can't seem to muster up the energy to fulfill demands made by my choices.

When will it end? Is it supposed to end? Is this how it is?

Sometimes you just want to lie in bed and cry and cry.