I wish I got presents

Don't you miss getting presents? I do. Big boxes wrapped in nice shiny paper. I like the solid shiny colors. Like silver and golden and metallic blue. The printed ones are nice too but the solid ones are better. Or I guess if you mix and match, they'd both look good. But only if there were lots of them. Sitting nicely in a pile waiting to be opened. Preferably by me. With big bows on them. Big bows with the nice small curly ends. I like that. I'm going to make it mandatory for people to give me presents on my birthday. I like American holidays better than desi ones. More presents. How come we don't have presents for Diwali or something. I feel jipped.

Won't you send me a present? Go to Amazon and buy me something and get it gift wrapped. Make it speedy delivery so I get it this weekend. Pretty please?