It's her fault I have the manic giggles today

Wolfe: i am stressed and sickly

Louise: why stressed and how sickly (you can't possibly be sickly after all your kale juice!)

Wolfe: i think i have a cold.. and i slept very little last two nights... the pigeons scared me this morning

 

Louise: beady eyes

 

Wolfe: i was awake all night.. finally went to sleep at 5:30 am.. and the damn pigeons frightened me awake... they were digging in my pots so i thought i had an intruder.. cat burgler if you will

 

Louise: pigeon burglar technically

Wolfe: i wonder wot a pigeon burger would taste like.. prolly like dirt given how much of mine they eat

Louise: pigeon is tasty actually, but probably not urban pigeons.

Wolfe: vile creatures... you know they attacked me in sri lanka... repeatedly... hitchcock style

Louise: sri lankan pigeons are probably more vicious than cambridge ones... cambridge ones are just fat and lazy

 

Wolfe: full of my potted seeds

 

Louise: feathery little fuckers

Louise: had egg whites for breakfast with one piece of toast and pb.. have more egg whites for later... and a banana... have some nuts and raisins in bag I think

Wolfe: i'm a nut...put me in a bag with rasins... that is my new pickup line

Louise: i'm not sure that it is a very good pick up line... unless you are talking to a raisin maufacturer

Wolfe: your face is a raisin manufacturer... (collapsing into giggles now)

Louise: your mum etc... weirdo

Wolfe: karen does not think that is a good pick up line either.. and i think i scared daniel from FnDS

Louise: poor boy... try 'i love granola bars but i am missing some nuts' and then wink.

Wolfe: karen says that i am not missing any.. i am nuts... and now i have the manic giggles

Louise: oh dear. face. palm.

"I wonder if, for my olympics party, I could represent some sort of velociraptor themed event..."

Wolfe: http://www.boston.com/metrodesk/2012/07/10/kayaker-orleans-may-have-been-chased-plankton-eater-rather-than-great-white-shark/45jsLMjEMoSxQIwuRaNlrI/story.html?p1=News_links

Louise: that does not make good news... it must be killer great white otherwise it's just boring. It's like saying "yeah, I was camping in the woods, and it was terrifying, because I was chased down by this... squirrel, it was a squirrel. No, not a bear, a squirrel."

Wolfe: hey.. squirrels can be mean

Louise: but they aren't going to tear you limb from limb

Wolfe: they might if they're mutant squirrels.. i'm just saying

Louise: and if they were hunting in packs.

Wolfe: with lasers!

Louise: one squirrel would have trouble tearing you limb from limb, because they have quite small arms. like velociraptors. Although they can tear you limb from limb.

Wolfe: you are obsessed with v'raptors

Louise: they are the coolest

A teetotal bachelor with a face like a fish

How do you feel when you marry your ideal?
Ever so goosey, goosey, goosey, goosey.

How do you feel when the bells begin to peal?
Ever so goosey, goosey, goosey, goosey.

Walking up the aisle, in a kind of daze,
Do you get the wind up when the organ plays?

How do you feel when the parson's done the deal?
Ever so goosey, goosey, goosey, goosey.

Tonight's dinner conversation topics

With Joe and Gabriel and Jean and Mark over a New England boiled dinner with banana creme pie for dessert:

Television screen sizes, Obama, Spitzer, child abuse, catholic schools, French teachers, waitresses, Jesus Christ Superstar, Andrew Lloyd Webber, prostitution, dumb questions children ask, Haiti, Tahiti, Peru, Argentina, German Nazis in exile in Argentina, DNA analysis, Luminol, Argentinian bolos, the size of Joe's balls, identical twins committing crimes, identical triplets, identical triplets committing crimes, the last quarter of the Superbowl, Mr. Peterson the cat, strippers, life in the suburbs, strip clubs, child pornography, schizophrenia, voting, the Dominican Republic, Indian food, Shabu Shabu, nonsense TSA regulations, old movies and how I had never eaten a turnip until tonight.

Can't remember the last time I laughed this much.

Traffic blues

So like, when you're driving down the freeway and traffic is moving at approximately 2 inches per minute do you also look in the rear view mirror and start thinking about the chap in the car behind you?

You know, think about where they're going, where've they been, wot they had for lunch, how cute they look in that Christmas sweater, who they're talking to on their cell phone, wot are they thinking about you, how romantic it is that you two (and about 80 thousand other people) are stranded on this freeway and the moon is shining off the snow, why they're still talking on their cell phone when they should be gazing into our eyes via the rear view mirror too, how fickle men can be, how to best primp your hair and apply emergency makeup to appear more attractive in the rear view mirror, wot the best song is to sing so the mouthing of the words will prompt him to reciprocate and soon you'll both be singing the same song listening to the same radio station, why he's still talking on that cell phone, who's he cheating on you with on the cell phone and why does she make him laugh like that, why he's startled that you've started to back up slowly with a maniacal gleam in your eye, why he's changing lanes in the middle of a traffic jam, wondering if it's because you made threatening gestures at his tires, singing sad songs on the radio and deliberately not looking at him in the side-view mirror... you know, that general sort of thing.

You don't? Yeah, erm.. me neither.

World news report from Black Cobra Hello

Dad and I went to Karachi Darbar and got food... everyone at KD was quite pleased to see him. Dad sent the Citibank delivery fellow back because he came home and asked for proof of identity at which point Dad showed him the nameplate on the door but he wanted some other proof than that so Dad said no and then when he recounted the story at KD all the kabab makers agreed with him so Dad said from now on he will call the Citibank delivery guy to deliver him something at KD only where all the kebab makers can vouch for proof of identity.

Oh fer Pete's sake

The strange thing about being done with finals is that one is besieged with conflicting emotions. On one hand, we're pleased we don't have to study anymore. On the other hand, we're bored out of our minds. Yes, I know it's only been a few days but I can't just sit around with nothing to do.

Wednesday evening celebrations started at Cornwalls (where else), moved on to An Tua Nua with some very bad singing on the karaoke and then back to Cornwalls (where else). I should have bought stock in that place. Didn't drink much since was still a bit hungover from the day before (which would explain the C I get on that final) and pottered on home at 10:30. Did brunch at the diner with Khan on Thursday, bummed around, drank some more. Went for a whisky tasting at the Lenox with Peter and a few others. That was fun. I was ushered into the room by a screamingly gay waiter in pink underwear under his requisition blacks prancing around with a giant white feather. A Chivas Ginger was thrust into my hand, a crab cake into my face and the party was on. Glitter bikini-clad women with giant feathers on their heads popped up and jiggled around much to the delight of all the sad suits and the cabana boys obliged the other sad suits. Can I just say, there's nothing sadder than a 35-yr old investment banker who desperately wants to get laid. Man or woman. I did learn a little bit about whisky and a few very bad Scottish jokes (Why do Scotsmen chop their toes off? To get closer to the bar) and got to sample some 18-yr old Scotch. Very nice. Then Peter and I couldn't take the man in the skirt yelling at DJ Certified Bananas to "pump up the volume, you slimy bastard" anymore and we pottered off to the Hong Kong at Fanueil Hall. On the way out we bumped into Mr. and Mrs. Shaw, freshly arrived from Scotland, a lovely 70-ish year old couple, all wrinkly and kind looking who Peter promptly told to go to Newport, RI and leave the wife at home. After this piece of shocking behaviour we giggled our way to Government Center where at the Hong Kong, more booze was consumed while Pete and Aaron (who runs a belly-dancing supplies shop, how exciting) told me stories of floating down rivers in inner tubes of tractor tires carting about 800 cases of beer. These stories proved too much for me at one point and I insisted we play bar-side games and so we spent a massive fortune in quarters at the nekkid wimmen version of Where's Waldo with self always getting the bits about the chick's hair at which point Aaron deemed me unworthy (since I couldn't spot a boob) and shoved me into a taxicab with a teriyaki on a stick. All in all, a good time was had by all.

Did brunch at the diner with Khan on Friday, scorned the drink, bummed around at Harvard Ave Cafe and finally started reading Jews, God and History (Max Dimont), purchased August 2006 at Denver airport but never had time to open. Interesting book. Very complicated. Khan, bless him, ordered a Vanilla Soy Matte which turned out to be the worst piece of crap I've ever tasted that has been served in a cup with foam. If you are ever faced with it, decline. Do so expeditiously and be not lured by curiosity. It's a horrible drink. Dre had her birthday party here last night and while the upside is that the apartment looks very pretty, cosy and clean, the downside is that people decided that they wanted to pop crackers at 3:30 am INSIDE the apartment. This is because they were stupidly drunk and had to be shepherded outside onto the street where they promptly became Someone Else's problem. Didn't sleep very well last night. Had strange dreams. Lay about, reading, mostly. Still is nice to be in bed swiping one's leg against soft cool sheets, know wot I mean? Khan was mumbling something about how marbles are the fifth dimension but he was in a food coma after having visited that den of vice, India Dhaba, so we forgave him. I did watch Anita and Me yesterday on brilliant NetFlix. Good movie. Nicely done.

I couldn't lie in bed anymore so I've moved to the couch. It's gotten windy, cloudy and 59 degrees suddenly. My wind chime by the window has orchestral aspirations and the curtains billow more often than they did yesterday. I shall sit here now, in my jammies, and read my email and watch Saturday morning cartoons with my cuppa sulaimani. Only two things on the official agenda - Swimming and Giselle at the Boston Ballet. That is if I can get tickets. Although considering the rate at which funds are being depleted from underneath my mattress, I prolly should lay low and cheap until Vegas. Oo, that sounded dirty.

Need more tea.

Don't worry, I'm fine

I'm just... I don't know. Unsettled. That's all. I didn't sleep much and my head hurts and I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I missed sailing class today but seeing as the Nor'eastern is still upon us, I don't think anybody went out on the river this morning. I may have missed my rigging test but I'm sure I can take that another time. This weekend maybe, when the sun is out and the winds aren't 17 mph.

I did get out of bed eventually. I'm showered and dressed now and looking quite nice in a pair of lovely brown pants with a lovely (but slightly itchy) red sweater and homemade earrings and me brown boots. I have a presentation to give for my Branding class and after that I shall go wander around Downtown Crossing to cheer myself up. After that I get to speak to a bunch of prospective BU MBA students to tell them how wonderful this place is and how they should definitely pick us over the competition. Considering that the competition is usually BC or Babson it's not too hard to convince them (oh no she didn't!).

I did speak to a lovely man named Keith from Macy's outsourced call center who was in New Delhi and I wanted to tell him about Boston and the weather and that I used to go to that Wimpy's near Jangpura Extension and troll the used book stalls on the footpath and that I have a friend who's office is on Barakhamba Road and that my Pa is from Delhi and I watched that outsourcing video and did he hear about the shootings in Virginia and how hard it can be sometimes for brown kids here and that I'm lonely and homesick and want to cry every time I think about being lonely and homesick and that he didn't have to put on an American accent for me because I would understand if he spoke like he normally does and tell him that I really desperately want to travel because sometimes I think that if I lose myself in a crowd of strange people speaking in strange tongues where I don't understand the signs then maybe I'll find myself and ask him questions about his life and his challenges and that I still don't know so many things that I wish I did and it's funny how some days you feel like you're the bees knees and some days you feel so utterly inadequate and if he ever bought anything from Macy's and if maybe they get a discount or something and tell him about all the things that make me want to scream and rant and cry and lots of other meaningless important things but I kinda got the feeling that he wasn't the chatty kind.

Besides, I'm pretty sure Macy's doesn't pay him THAT much.

I'm going to school now.

I'm haunted

That's why I can't sleep. I'm haunted by Minal Panchal. And A.N.N.A won't let me sleep. Good thing I have A. Pinto to keep me company.

RIP.

I did miss him

Artraj: wotsup !?
Wolfe: hello, she smiled sweetly

Artraj: hello, he says boldly as he walks upto her and kneels down ..... 
Artraj: he pulls out a glass slipper
Wolfe: she files her nails randomly
Artraj: he looks up at her and asks - dear lady ... would you be ever so kind to try on this slipper ?
Wolfe: she gently lifts up her lovely zari sari and extends a perfectly pedicured foot..
Wolfe: the one with three toe rings
Wolfe: and slips on the slipper.. it's a perfect fit! she looks down at him, beaming..
Wolfe: balancing a baby on her hip.. she pushes up her black rimmed engineering glasses higher on her nose and with a gleam in her eye to match the one bouncing off her nose ring, she says, thank you ji..
Wolfe: and screams into the darkness, munnu ke papa! chappal mil gayi!
Artraj: he stands up .. and says .. that will be 450Rs
Artraj: thankyou .. come again please 
Wolfe: bil mere husband de denge..

Artraj: err..mam ... your husband is currently trying on our latest fall collection of stilletos
Artraj: he insists that no matter what the problem in life.... a size 34 will make it go away
Wolfe: she spits paan into the distance, thrusts munnu into his arms and runs off screeching..

The weather is very strange today

Or maybe I'm experiencing some strange sort of near-mid-life menopause. Sometimes it's cold, sometimes its hot. I don't get it. I take layers off when I'm outside. I put on my giant winter coat when I'm in class. It's very strange.

Also, my parents are mad. My Dad just called to tell me that apparently me Mum has a stomach ache because of Black Cobra's flight timings. She arrives at 6:30 am, I don't see wot they're stressing about. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I arrive at 2:30 am. You would think they would send a car to the airport instead of waking up to come and get me.

Did I mention I'm going to Dubai for a month? I am. In 5 days. 113 hours to be precise. 113 hours from now, I will be on a flight to Athens. Warmer weather. Ah bliss.

Angoor

"Bahadur, jabh maine tujhe kaha tha ke kamre se bahar mat nikalna, to tu zabzi mandi kyon gaya tha?!"

"Mooli lene"

"Mooli kyon lene gaya tha?!"

"Aap ne hi to kaha tha, ke shaam ko mooli ke parathe khane hain."

"Mooli ke... MOOLI KE PARATHE?!"