Just be perfect. Then be perfect some more. No pressure.

I would like to bring your attention to something that I found quite distressing recently.  At my employer, Consulting Firm Extraordinaire, a poll was taken to have knowledge workers answer the following question - "Which fictional character do you think would make an excellent Firm consultant and why?"  I present to you some of the (editorialized) responses, which, to be fair, are also partly a reflection of the personalities and working styles of the folks who wrote them:

1. Buzz Lightyear: He's prepared to travel, willing to go the extra mile (indeed to infinity and beyond), shows leadership and capacity to handle change in new environments
2. Jerry Seinfeld: He makes his audience stop and question its everyday activities, he is entertaining, and he is excellent at speaking in front of a crowd
3. Superman / Superwoman: has the superpower abilities to cover every eventuality – exactly like a Firm consultant, just without the costume (this one worries me greatly since it came from a Big Cheese)
4. Roadrunner: He's fast, he's great at avoiding trouble and he always blazes a trail
5. Jack Bauer from 24: no matter how difficult or grave the situation, he fearlessly dives into it and always finds a way to overcome obstacles and challenges to save the day. He knows how to handle stress well and leverage whatever "assets" and clues he can find to solve the problem and save the day. … Plus he has no problem working 24 hours straight without complaining
6. Mma Precious Ramotswe from the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency: She gives sound advice, will go to great lengths to solve her client's problems, provides a fresh perspective and is market-leading
7. Disney's Mulan: dedicated, courageous, values-driven and a good problem solver
8. Chandler from "Friends": charming wit, impeccable fashion sense, perfectly coiffed hair and ability to say anything without saying anything at all
9. Sherlock Holmes: recognizes that the loudest opinion is not equivalent to the solution, employs deductive reasoning, thoroughly investigates all possibilities, assesses and understands the details (even the supposedly irrelevant ones), finds the relationships among disparate information, asks a lot of questions and never gives up
10. Dr. John Watson: knows how to solve complex problems, he's a team player
11. Elmo: he takes all his conversational topics and tries to distill them into the simple, salient points. He always says what's on his mind and the rationale behind it – in a diplomatic, caring way. He keeps things light hearted
12. Mr. Spock of Star Trek: Logic and fact is the anchor of his character, and analyzes data in the most non-biased way, displays minimal bit of human emotion and dogged loyalty to his team
13. Eric Cartman from South Park: immature, lazy, narcissistic and ill-tempered, but despite his many personality flaws, he is also depicted as being highly intelligent, outspoken, cunning and streetwise. He tends to make effective use of his capabilities by executing morally appalling – yet highly successful – business ideas (another one that worries me)
14. Nick Carraway from The Great Gatsby: excellent interpersonal awareness skills and trustworthiness among his friends and colleagues
15. "J" from the Men in Black movies: full of action, sense of humor to "laugh away" challenges and obstacles. He's a good team player, but also able to think independently and deliver on his own
16. Inspector Gadget: endless amount of tools and gadgets, overcomes obstacles and survives perilous situations by sheer good luck and with help from his team.

I would also like to point out that this was distributed to employees at large seemingly to motivate us to aspire.  Instead, I have decided to panic.

Sickening

Now you know Wolfie isn't one to bad mouth a brand because of a difference in opinion but I had to remind you of this Benetton fiasco in 2000. Just in case you'd forgotten why you boycott the damn company. Their shirts aren't even that nice.

An Italian clothing company, Benetton, has chosen to feature death row inmates in the latest in their series of tasteless advertising campaigns. The campaign is expected to last throughout 2000 and will feature 26 murderers and their commentary on life. While Benetton tries to improve their poor market share in the U.S., they are causing unnecessary pain and distress to the families of the innocent people killed by the men the campaign intends to "humanize".

In one article, Benetton USA Executive Vice President Carlo Tunioli admitted that to the company, the campaign has little to do with the morality of capital punishment. It's all about marketing, he explained. "There's no correlation between these guys" he said, gesturing to 5-feet-high portraits of David Leroy Skaggs (2 counts of 1st-degree murder) and Bobby Lee Harris (1st-degree murder) "and our sweaters. In terms of an advertising strategy, what we are really doing is building brand awareness."

In another - "We're not the only ones using emotion for commercial gain," Toscani told USA Today in 1995, around the time a court ordered Benetton to pay damages to French citizens infected with the HIV virus, saying the company exploited human suffering.

Here are case histories on some of these killers who are the new spokespersons for this clothing manufacturer. Hopefully the U.S. sales for this company will slump even farther in response to this outrageous action.

At least 45 innocent victims were murdered by the 26 killers. Let's focus on why these murderers are on death row and humanize their victims instead of the killers.

Caution: don't read case histories if you can't deal with tales of inhumanity. I almost thew up my lunch.

Don't worry, I'm fine

I'm just... I don't know. Unsettled. That's all. I didn't sleep much and my head hurts and I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I missed sailing class today but seeing as the Nor'eastern is still upon us, I don't think anybody went out on the river this morning. I may have missed my rigging test but I'm sure I can take that another time. This weekend maybe, when the sun is out and the winds aren't 17 mph.

I did get out of bed eventually. I'm showered and dressed now and looking quite nice in a pair of lovely brown pants with a lovely (but slightly itchy) red sweater and homemade earrings and me brown boots. I have a presentation to give for my Branding class and after that I shall go wander around Downtown Crossing to cheer myself up. After that I get to speak to a bunch of prospective BU MBA students to tell them how wonderful this place is and how they should definitely pick us over the competition. Considering that the competition is usually BC or Babson it's not too hard to convince them (oh no she didn't!).

I did speak to a lovely man named Keith from Macy's outsourced call center who was in New Delhi and I wanted to tell him about Boston and the weather and that I used to go to that Wimpy's near Jangpura Extension and troll the used book stalls on the footpath and that I have a friend who's office is on Barakhamba Road and that my Pa is from Delhi and I watched that outsourcing video and did he hear about the shootings in Virginia and how hard it can be sometimes for brown kids here and that I'm lonely and homesick and want to cry every time I think about being lonely and homesick and that he didn't have to put on an American accent for me because I would understand if he spoke like he normally does and tell him that I really desperately want to travel because sometimes I think that if I lose myself in a crowd of strange people speaking in strange tongues where I don't understand the signs then maybe I'll find myself and ask him questions about his life and his challenges and that I still don't know so many things that I wish I did and it's funny how some days you feel like you're the bees knees and some days you feel so utterly inadequate and if he ever bought anything from Macy's and if maybe they get a discount or something and tell him about all the things that make me want to scream and rant and cry and lots of other meaningless important things but I kinda got the feeling that he wasn't the chatty kind.

Besides, I'm pretty sure Macy's doesn't pay him THAT much.

I'm going to school now.

McD's blows

There's something totally classy about blowing coke up your nose with a McD's coke spoon. It ties you to America somehow, and to cheeseburgers, and to childhood.

In the '70's, McD's strange-looking stirring spoon gets adopted by the white powder cult. Panicked about becoming accomplices in the empire of blow, family-friendly McDonald's discontinues the multi-faceted units.

But this kind of thing doesn't die quietly. Artists Tobias Wong and Ken Courtney bring the hot spoons back - plated in 18k gold, disco-fever style. Pissed at their insolence, McD's released a cease and desist.

Oh come on. It's every fledgling brand's wet dream to be appropriated by some enthusiastic subculture. And who doesn't want the designer drug users (possibly now enthusiastic - and wealthy - pop-art consumers)? They define trendy.

Plus, coke-heads are generally skinnier than the obese protesters long courting the golden arches. They make natural retaliatory press. Getting fat? Forego the baked apple pie for a spoon. It's free! (Magic dust sold separately.)