Madamji, aap Monday ko aao. Abh to kuch nahi hoga.

Foolish hopeful heart, trying to get out of India.  Simply cannot be done.  Stuck here.  Till Monday.  Misery.

This is because while the Indian Embassy in New York and the Air India office tell you one thing, the stalwart emigration officers at Amritsar airport tell you another.  With the result that you don't get to leave.  Till Monday.

Then you rant and rave.  They direct you to the Air India booking office back in the city.  Because, you know, the airport does not have a ticketing office.  You start to leave the airport to find a cab to take you there and back in 2 hours (because you smartly decided to get to the airport 3 hours in advance of your flight) but you can't get out.  You have to be escorted out by an airline employee.  Who takes multiple copies of your passport and then after having you wait for 40 minutes, runs off because his shift has ended and he couldn't be arsed.  Consequently, you have missed your flight to Delhi and will possibly not get another one till Monday.

You then demand to speak to the station manager who, a kindly person, finds you someone who will take you out the airport.  Then the nice taxi fellow waits 2 hours while the nice but utterly useless people at the Air India office try to rebook you.  They cannot.  Until Monday.

They order you a chai and a cutlet with brown chutney.  Then one nice man calls the nearest hotel to negotiate a rate for you for a room.  Till Monday.

You get to the hotel cold, wet, lungs teeming with all sorts of germs, tired, broken, hungry, dejected and in pain.  The room is freezing.  They give you a space heater.  You're thirsty.  They give you a bottle of water.  There is no internet.  You head to the lobby to find a signal.  Ironically, airindia.com will let you book a flight out to New York (thereby confirming that people are useless and all Indians should be replaced by the internet).  For Monday.

I suppose the upshot of all this is that I get one more chance to do some shopping for Black Cobra and BIL and see the Temple in the night tomorrow.

I'm going to take my pills and go to bed.  I expect to be back home by Tuesday.  If the wahey guru sees fit.

Mein aapke dil mein rehna chahta hoon. Mein aapke ghar mein rehna chahti hoon.

Packing for Boston.  Flight in 7 hours.  Relieved to leave but wish could have gone to Harmandir Sahib once more, staying in Ceylon longer, met fun people and done more shopping.  Oh well.  Pleased that have at least managed to avoid deadly diseases and retained kidneys.

Wish me luck.  Transiting through Delhi again.  Wonder if they'll let me leave?!

Damn.  Work on Monday.

"Masterji, pitaji ki patloon ek bilang choti kar do"

Up at 4 am. Flight delayed. Went back to sleep. Up at 6 am. Check out was horrid. No compensation for being bitten by bed bugs. ITC Sheraton Rajputana is a terrible hotel. Car to airport, paid money to a chap who carried bags through and checked-in. Took bag tags this time. Security did not understand my idock but "computer ke liye hai" was enough for them. Paid Rs. 40 for a vegetable puff that did not deserve it. Stood at the gate for an hour. Got on purane zamane ki bus and was taken to plane where everybody jostles to get on first since they clearly haven't been told that it's assigned seating. Hour flight to Delhi. Got taken off the side of the plane into another bus and driven to Amritsar plane. Bags all done manually here. Scary and fascinating at the same time. Plane full of turbans and one very screechy child who I would have like to murder with bare hands if only her mother wasn't glaring at me.

Carlton Country Hotel and Suites do not have any Suites. And the Queen Room is a single bed. Buffet lunch and to bed to stay there for the rest of the day and night feeling sorry for myself. Work called at 3 am which did not help. Wondering why I embarked on this stupid journey. Wishing I was home already. Starting to moult and losing alarming quantities of skin from sun burns to reveal also blackened but also strangely pinkish skin. It's very mesmerizing to stand in front of the mirror peeling bits off you...

Aug 10 - Stavanger

Yesterday evening we set forth from Oslofjorden going back the way we came starting with a nifty maneuver of turning the boat around 180 degrees in a tiny space which was rather impressive. We go back across the Skagarrak, rounding the Southern peninsular of Norway and up to Stavanger, docking early morning. Bit rainy today as well but the forecast promises some sun in the afternoon.

We started with a drive up and down the hills checking out the high-priced real estate and ended in the city center where we ditched the bus and walked about a bit before crossing the street onto the ship. Stavanger is a small but pretty town with lots of rocks, hills, hiking areas, alpine centers and fit people. We went to the Utstein Abbey which had a very neat graveyard and kick-ass acoustics. I checked out a medieval Cathedral in the town center and then we sat at Dickens pub and drank a pint of the local brew. Some folks got some fish from the market across the street but since fish and beer isn't exactly my thing, I went for a walkabout instead and go on board.

High tea with Jean, a snooze in the sun on deck, bit of gym and then dressed for the evening. There was a play (The Importance of Being Earnest) with a very cute chap who's career I shall be following with extreme interest. Lions Pub this time with passion fruit martinis and short, fat, red, bald man playing Billy Joel on the piano. Had drunken giggles with Dr. Chopra and Sam at midnight, delivered potatoes to Uncle Hassan at 1 am, checked out the sad scene at the nightclub and crawled into bed at 2 am.

While we were living it up, the crew have been busy and have navigated us along the East coast of Norway, along Hjeltefjorden, through the narrows at Byfdn Bridge and entering Byfjorden into Bergen.

I'll also have you know that I have not turned on my phone once since landing at Heathrow and am not missing it one bit. Feeling rather pleased with myself for that.

Aug 9 - Oslo

We pulled into Oslofjorden in the wee hours of the morning which was very nice. It's beautiful with the mountains and islands on either side with the small houses and smaller boats. We drove around the Aker Brygge dock for a while and then went into a German U-boat submarine which was interesting and creepy at the same time especially since they had mannequins placed at strategic places like around sharp corners that frightened the pants off you. We saw the Opera House and Frogner Park with Vigeland's statues. We drove by Nobelsgate and saw the building where they give out the prizes. The guard at the Royal Palace was changing so we counted how many times they went out of step. Then we drove by the being-constructed Holmenkollen Ski arena and took a break at this lovely restaurant (special today: leg of reindeer, carved at your table) where all the thepla banshees brought out their snacks and started singing Hindi songs. I went for a walk at this point which proved to be a bad idea since the slope was slippery and the ankle was weak and down I went and scraped my knees. Weather was cool, windy and rainy so we didn't spend much time outside and the plan to go to the peninsula of Bygdoy was scrapped.

Today is formal night as well but after last night's fiasco, everybody is quite content to eat at the buffet on Deck 7. The serving staff seem to think so as well since they've laid out our Indian food there. The largest nationality on board is German followed by folks from the UK and then the US. India comes in with 20 and 15 of them are us.

Back to the Chart Room tonight. They have nice wines there.

Aug 8 - En Route to Oslo

Magic show last night was quite pathetic and Pops lost a corner of a $10 bill. He was quite deflated.

Today was a day at sea en route to Oslo. We cleared the Elbe River late last night and tooted along the east coast of Denmark, passing over the Jutland Bank, across the Skagerrak and will enter Oslofjorden early morning tomorrow. Days at sea are nice in that you don't have to wake up early (but we do anyway since we are tea central) and you get to bum around a lot which is my idea of a proper vacation. Read on deck for a while, snoozed under the fading sunlight and dressed up for our first formal dinner.

Now I don't knwo if you knwo this but when you travel with RK there is always special ordered Indian food. And so it was here as well. Jean, Pops and I were bang on time but everyone else arrived in drips and dribbles after our seating time. Consequently, service was a shambles, food was horrible (well their food - I ordered off the regular menu, clever me), RK had had a fight at the casino so was in a foul mood, people were told off for not dressing well enough, RK stormed out mid-meal and went to the buffet and all in all a royal scene was made by all. My escargot, in case you were wondering, was perfect. I retired to the Chart Room for some smooth jazz and went to bed early. Still haven't seen a film at the Planetarium but maybe tomorrow.

Pictures of the ship

These will have to do until I get back home to upload pictures from the camera.

Aug 7 - Free and Hanseatic City of Hamburg

Docked at Hamburg this morning at 7 am. Ate light breakfast in balcony while watching unloading of luggage and then dressed and waited forever for everyone to get their act together to load on the coach bus to take a tour of the city. Naturally the food came with us.

Freie und Hansestadt Hamburg is nice, doesn't seem very large (it's the second largest city in Germany) and is very clean. Fully two-thirds of the urban area is parkland, and in many neighborhoods, you forget that you're in one of Germany's most important commercial centers. We toured the harbor itself for over an hour - it's the second largest port city in the EU. Moved on to see the Alster River and it's two lakes, The Binnenalster and Aussenalster. I wouldn't mind living there, I can tell you that. Driving through the city took us past the Reeperbahn area which is the red-light district so to speak. It's mostly just one sinful mile with very entertaining signs for its establishments. It was at this point that everyone woke up. We stopped at the City Center for 30 minutes and all the aunties dashed off for food, Mum made a beeline for the shops, RK and Dad promptly sat down at the nearest cafe and smoked their hearts out and the kids raided McDonald's. The coach moved on through past the Opera House and other sights along the Elbe river and then was directed back to the ship by the hungry and bored oldies. Although how they could be bored is beyond me - they slept the entire way.

Back on board, late lunch at 3 pm, the cards game is on in our balcony (Jean/mine and Mom/Pop balconies are jointly command central now) and I took a nap in the sunshine on Deck 7 as we left Hamburg for the North Sea. Right ankle is swollen and painful but lying on deck and staring at the sea to the sounds of the new Sigur Ros album was very nice.

We have since travelled past Brunsbuttel and will be approaching Cuxhaven where the Captain has promised us fireworks. There is also a magic show tonight which Pops is very excited about after which I will either retire to the Chart room for some more therapeutic Jazz or check out the Champagne tastings at the Veuve Clicquot bar on Deck 3.

Off I go to the gym now. Had Boston cream pie with my late lunch dontchaknow.

Aug 6 - En route to Hamburg

Lost an hour this morning because of the time change and awoke bleary eyed but hopeful that this will be a good vacation regardless. A little about the ship:

The RMS Queen Mary 2 is one of the largest ocean liners currently at sea. It's 1132 feet long, 148 feet wide and 204 feet tall (above waterline of course) and displaces upwards of 79k tonnes when fully loaded (which, given the amount of luggage our party has, is quite evident). It has 4 Rolls Royce Mermaid Pod propellers and is powered by over 150,000 horsepower consuming over 3 tonnes/hour of heavy fuel oil and 6 tonnes/hour of marine gas oil - that's diesel and petrol. You can't tell when it's moving. The daily consumption of water is about 80 gallons per person per day - this includes water for cooking and washing the ship. Apparently the ship is being washed. Who knew. There are approx. 2000 passengers on board and 1000 crew.

Checked out the facilities - bookstore, library, spa/salon, pools, gym, courts, bars/restaurants, casino, shops, art gallery etc. Listened to a string quartet on Deck 2 right outside the casino where Mum had glued herself to the 3-card poker table. Dress code was semi-formal and seating at dinner was at 8:30 so of course, Dad and Jean and I were there on the dot looking spiffy and everybody else was late and underdressed. Special Indian food had been ordered but I ate escargot and red snapper instead while Soomi screamed like a banshee all around us. RK had a tiff with the cheaters at the casino ("what do you mean the maximum payout is $1000?!") and then was not given service at dinner since he arrived at 11 pm (us waiting the entire time for him of course) and stormed off to the buffet.

Went to G32 nightclub in the evening in the hopes of hearing some good soul music to get away from the maddening crowd but was accosted by a very drunk Shalin who proceeded to make an ass of himself (as usual) and then had to run away to the Chart Room where the Royal Court Theatre Orchestra soothed my sense with jazz jamming and Sharat/Deep/Aarti soothed my palate with good house wine.

Tooted off to bed then. Couldn't take it anymore.

Leaving England - Rickmansworth to Southampton

Woke up bright and early this morning to unpack, repack, depack and finally pack Pop's suitcases. Coach arrived at 10 am and it took an entire hour to load all the luggage and the people on. At last count, we are 38 folks.

Drive to Southampton was uneventful. Check-in was painless and by 3 pm we were in our cabins on board the Queen Mary 2. Light unpacking followed by safety drill and tea at the buffet line later we're on Deck 8 lounging about, listening to Caribbean band Vibz for "upbeat sailaway tunes". We set sail from Southampton at 5 pm. By 5:03 pm, every single person on Deck 8 was made acutely aware of our presence by the collective shouting from one end to another. At 5:30 pm, it was announced that we will be dining on Deck 7 at 9 pm at which point hundreds of our co-passengers changed their dining plans in order to avoid the extremely noisy and uncouth Indian posse.

Light dinner followed by drifting in and out of the casino and early to bed. Sharing a room with Jean with Mom and Pops next door - fairly comfortable so no complaints there. Tomorrow, all day at sea!

Le Petit-bourgeoisie are stuck in the embouteillage

So the trip to the Cape was fun. Gamma arrived Thursday night and stayed over and we planned to take off around 4 pm on Friday only one of the Partners was so anxious about us sitting in traffic that he kicked us out of the office at 2. Which wasn't such a bad thing, given that it then took us only 3 hours to get to Orleans. We sang show tunes most of the way and debated the pros and cons of our respective travel guides (I had the Fodors and Gamma had the Rough Guide). Marie slept.

The Inn was lovely. Low ceilings and potpourri wreaths and paisley wallpaper. It's right on the cove so that was peaceful. Of course, the minute we arrived, the first thing we did was go to the TJ Maxx across the street. You can take the girls to the country but you can't get them to stop shopping.

We ate lots of seafood (which was quite disappointing in the end actually), climbed the Pilgrim Monument (yes, me too!), took lots of pictures, went whale watching (saw 7 humpbacks!), slept, took lots of pictures, and hung out at the beach (not as much as I'd like to). The ride back was uneventful only Marie kept shifting from one lane to the other on the way to Sagamore Bridge which was pointless because traffic wasn't moving more than 20 mph and so therefore we got lots of strange looks from everybody else. I spent most of the time counting net pods on trees on the drive in. Very entertaining.

Well, that's the update. Yes, I know it's not much but hey, you asked :)

Trip to the Cod: And we're off!

Gemma arrived yesterday and I went to get her from South Station. It was pouring rain and I was stuck in Burlington (went to investigate curtains) in traffic 30 mins before her train got in but I managed to get there in time. I drive like the wind, LIKE THE WIND!

So we're all sitting here in the office nervously jiggling our feet and watching the clock and checking traffic updates every 3 seconds (or maybe that's just me) and raring to go and I think we'll be leaving around 2 pm. One of the partners suggested we get on the road to beat traffic (as if there's such thing) so hey, that's good enough encouragement for me.

Had my used-to-be-regular sushi lunch with the Bullfrog at the MIT food court by the COOP which was really nice. Met Ashan there. That guy is everywhere! If you were here, I'd be lunching with you.

There're only 3-4 others here in the office today on account of Joy's funeral. I didn't go. I didn't think I'd be able to not cry considering I was howling on the drive back from Wilmington the day she passed.

So the bags are packed and in the car only I've forgotten to bring any books so a quick stop home to pick some up and maybe another one at the store to get some drinks and snacks and we should be Cape Cod-bound soon. Stupid Black Cobra is only coming tomorrow afternoon but no matter! We shall eat lots of seafood tonight and go whale-watching tomorrow morning (she gets sea sick)!

Off we go! Yay! I like mini-breaks!

Coming home is not the same thing as Homecoming

So like, every time I used to land in Dubai, it used to feel like I was coming home. Even standing in that god-awful line with all dem smellys didn't bother me as much because I would grin at the immigration burkha and tell her I was a resident quite proud that I was not going to be another candidate she calls for her compatriot dishdash to haul off by the scruff of their neck to have their papers examined in another room. No, not me, I would be asked where I was coming from, a look would be glanced off my face and my passport would be stamped. In some completely random spot, mind you. I don't know why immigration people never stamp chronologically in order of pages. Would be so much easier to find that one date when you transited through Germany.

But I didn't transit through Germany. I went through Heathrow. And no, it wasn't Terminal 5 so don't get too excited. I think it might be on the trip back though.

So I was saying, that this time it didn't feel like I was coming home. Maybe it was because I had an awful flight with the bumpiness and the discomfort and the no sleeping and the babies screaming (I did take the seafood meal option which wasn't so bad). I didn't have to stand in line at all (mornings are the best time to land at DXB) and bag didn't get lost and Mum was there waiting doing that hunching shoulder thing and Pops was outside trying to hide in the trunk of the car (don't be alarmed - his car has a large trunk) and it was all very cute and nice. Which lasted about the time it takes to get out of the airport onto the main street. Then it began. They started telling me wot to do.

It hasn't quite ended yet. They're still doing it. Both of them. It's taking away the fun of homecoming. On the bright side they have already attacked my appearance, my weight, my marital status, my cooking, my sleeping habits, my clothes, my choice of profession, my lack of business sense, my frivolous spending habits and my general lack of civic duty towards them and their impending penury and uncertain housing situation. There isn't much left. The next few days should be smooth sailing in comparison.

So then we went to Irani hospital to file papers and give blud to get a new health card and then today we went to pick up the blud report (no communicable diseases, thank Allah!) and to the immigration office to get typing done and get a new residence visa all of which took about 23 minutes in total activity time. And yes, they do give you the visa the same day. And now did you know, one doesn't have to make the bi-annual pilgrimage back to 311. One can simply, not go. One's father will have to pay an AED 120 fine and get a letter saying you couldn't come when you do go but you will feel less guilty about it now that you can spot him the bucks and more importantly, because you have realized that coming home isn't the same thing as homecoming.

Oh, and I did get an eGate card so now I don't have to stand in line with the smellys anymore. I can breeze on through with a thumb and a wave.

There are 7 days to the US Embassy appointment. I suppose I could always go somewhere. Where is good for a 7 day trip?

"Clicks have doubled to 250 from 0 in 3 months"

I'm liking the beach. I learned how to make a sand sculpture from professional sand sculpturers. Who knew that there was such a profession. There has been some long boring sessions. Lots of mojitos. Some frolicking on the beach. Lots of drinking by the beach. Lots of chit chat. Plenty of networking. Some laughs. Some loneliness. And more mojitos.

Sadly leaving early tomorrow afternoon. Would have been nice to stay here the entire weekend. Nice to wake up to sounds of waves.

Should come back to Clearwater and Sand Key. It's really nice here.

Yes, in case you were wondering, I am in Florida.

If there ever was a reason to join a gym

I hate running. This is because I have bad feet. I especially hate running with 6 lbs on my back along the entire bloody length of Terminal 4 with snarky British Airways useless staff gleefully revelling in the fact that I'm going to miss my connecting flight and be stuck in stupid London for god knows how long when alls I want to do is be home in my bed in Boston getting my rest on ready for work at the crack of bleedin' dawn tomorrow.

Can I just say, British Airways staff are the most useless I've ever met. Yes, they're worse than Delta. Now you may ask how is it that ANYBODY could be worse than Delta but let me assure you - BA is worse than Delta. Makes Delta seem almost Swiss-like in comparison. They won't let you off the plane first, won't get you one of those nifty beeping golf carts, won't let you get through security first and definitely won't let you go ahead in line at the transfers desk. Well, it's not as much as they won't let you but they won't do anything to help you. They shrug their shoulders and say non-committal inane things like, 'it's a bit optimistic... I wouldn't count on it'. That has got to be the most unhelpful things to say.

Anwyay. My feet hurt now. Terminal 4 is very long. Explain again why do I have to get off one flight and then go through security again to get on another flight? Why is there no tunnel from the gates to other gates? How much of a cut is BA getting from duty free shopping for this?

Also must stop travelling with 4 lb laptop and 3 lbs of gold. Yes, you heard me. 3 lbs of gold. Blast you Black Cobra. Should've just melted it down into one gold ingot and buried it in the back yard like sensible people do. Not to mention the fact that I have to now go home and painfully separate and categorize and fit it nicely into individual containers.

They better not lose my bags.

Anyway. Black Cobra, you may or may not like to know, is now married. She even looks married. There is a distinct married-like quality about her. She's in Hong Kong now and has sent me a very nice long email but since Terminal 4, gate 22 has no bleedin' wireless signal, I will have to read it (and post this post) when I get home. Prolly won't happen till tomorrow morning seeing as I still have to pick up a rental car and won't get home until past midnight. Don't hold your breath.

They're calling my flight now. Oi, my knees have locked. Can I just say, there have been 3 bloody beeping golf carts laden with people who look perfectly capable of walking that have arrived at gate 22. Who do you have to sleep with to get a beeping cart at Heathrow?!

I fought the gold canopy and I won

You will be pleased to learn that I actually did, on the way back home, get stuck in traffic to drive to the airport to pick up another car which is indeed much nicer and has essential things like fog lamps and functioning wipers. There's your lesson for the day - don't rent from dinky rental shops. The airport has a lot more cars.

It's true

So like, I got a flat tire today. This may have been because I drove over a chunk of ice that was masquerading as a harmless chunk of ice but in fact was concealing some tire death in its shiny grip. The 'check tire pressure' light went on in the dashboard and I went on the freeway. Before you yell at me for driving on the freeway with a bum tire, let me remind you that there is no place to pull over on Storrow Drive and that there is a greater chance of being found by a patrol car on the freeway. Which is wot happened about 3 seconds after I pulled over to the side on the freeway. The cop graciously told me I had a flat. It took all my self-control to keep a straight face. He called me a tow truck. It took me 8 minutes to get into the cab of the tow truck. The tow truck man nicely changed my tire (thank you MassPike Authorities). Moira from Hertz nicely directed me to the nearest Hertz location where there was a nice red car waiting for me. Sadly it does not have power windows or locks as requested but it's only for a week and I guess I can live with that.

So I now have confirmation that my tax dollars are indeed at work and that having Gold status means nothing at Hertz.

Traffic blues

So like, when you're driving down the freeway and traffic is moving at approximately 2 inches per minute do you also look in the rear view mirror and start thinking about the chap in the car behind you?

You know, think about where they're going, where've they been, wot they had for lunch, how cute they look in that Christmas sweater, who they're talking to on their cell phone, wot are they thinking about you, how romantic it is that you two (and about 80 thousand other people) are stranded on this freeway and the moon is shining off the snow, why they're still talking on their cell phone when they should be gazing into our eyes via the rear view mirror too, how fickle men can be, how to best primp your hair and apply emergency makeup to appear more attractive in the rear view mirror, wot the best song is to sing so the mouthing of the words will prompt him to reciprocate and soon you'll both be singing the same song listening to the same radio station, why he's still talking on that cell phone, who's he cheating on you with on the cell phone and why does she make him laugh like that, why he's startled that you've started to back up slowly with a maniacal gleam in your eye, why he's changing lanes in the middle of a traffic jam, wondering if it's because you made threatening gestures at his tires, singing sad songs on the radio and deliberately not looking at him in the side-view mirror... you know, that general sort of thing.

You don't? Yeah, erm.. me neither.

"My engineer spends 70% of his time on data and 70% on voice"

So like, here I am again. The only time I get to blog is when I'm stuck at the airport waiting for a flight to land so mine can take off. And such is the case today. There was this teeny bit of torrential rainfall at 3:30 so my 6 pm flight is delayed 2 hours. This is because since it was raining, no flights could land in Atlanta. Which somehow means that no flights could take off from Charleston, South Carolina to land in Atlanta to take me to Boston. Why is this? Why do flights not take off if their destination is being rained on? Do they not know that by the time they are ready to land, the clouds will have moved on? Don't we have weather systems to predict this? Aren't there people who make weather their day jobs?

It's all very suspicious.

Well, let's see. Wot have I been up to. Well, I moved in to the new place. Everything is still in boxes and hopefully will get sorted this weekend. Went white water rafting on the Dead River in Maine on Labor Day weekend which was fun. Rented a car and went for a drive-about to Lexington last weekend to Sleepy Mouse's end of summer party. Caught an impromptu movie on the way back (Chak de India) (wasn't bad).

The Atlanta engagement is getting hairier by the hour. Systems are deployed and have to be patched because they have a bug. Other Systems just decide to randomly topple over. It's all very challenging. The Director changes his mind every other day. That's even more challenging. I'm trying to get out of there before the Network dies or some silliness of that sort happens. Aiming for end of next week but I might be extended for some eTOM/NGOSS funkiness for a couple of weeks thereafter.

On the plus side, by the end of next week, I'll get Gold status at Starwood Hotels. I will have to endure the Sheraton for two nights though. Still, shouldn't be that bad.

I should unpack the boxes if only to get at the many books I still haven't read. I could breeze through an entire box in no time if flights keep doing this to me.

Should prolly have a house-warming soon. Will you come?

This road runs parallel parallel parallel parallel all the way to the highway

Once in a while a flight leaves on time,
Giving me a reason to rhyme!
If I leave Atlanta at six,
In a shake and two licks,
I could possibly be home in time to dine!

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