Just be perfect. Then be perfect some more. No pressure.

I would like to bring your attention to something that I found quite distressing recently.  At my employer, Consulting Firm Extraordinaire, a poll was taken to have knowledge workers answer the following question - "Which fictional character do you think would make an excellent Firm consultant and why?"  I present to you some of the (editorialized) responses, which, to be fair, are also partly a reflection of the personalities and working styles of the folks who wrote them:

1. Buzz Lightyear: He's prepared to travel, willing to go the extra mile (indeed to infinity and beyond), shows leadership and capacity to handle change in new environments
2. Jerry Seinfeld: He makes his audience stop and question its everyday activities, he is entertaining, and he is excellent at speaking in front of a crowd
3. Superman / Superwoman: has the superpower abilities to cover every eventuality – exactly like a Firm consultant, just without the costume (this one worries me greatly since it came from a Big Cheese)
4. Roadrunner: He's fast, he's great at avoiding trouble and he always blazes a trail
5. Jack Bauer from 24: no matter how difficult or grave the situation, he fearlessly dives into it and always finds a way to overcome obstacles and challenges to save the day. He knows how to handle stress well and leverage whatever "assets" and clues he can find to solve the problem and save the day. … Plus he has no problem working 24 hours straight without complaining
6. Mma Precious Ramotswe from the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency: She gives sound advice, will go to great lengths to solve her client's problems, provides a fresh perspective and is market-leading
7. Disney's Mulan: dedicated, courageous, values-driven and a good problem solver
8. Chandler from "Friends": charming wit, impeccable fashion sense, perfectly coiffed hair and ability to say anything without saying anything at all
9. Sherlock Holmes: recognizes that the loudest opinion is not equivalent to the solution, employs deductive reasoning, thoroughly investigates all possibilities, assesses and understands the details (even the supposedly irrelevant ones), finds the relationships among disparate information, asks a lot of questions and never gives up
10. Dr. John Watson: knows how to solve complex problems, he's a team player
11. Elmo: he takes all his conversational topics and tries to distill them into the simple, salient points. He always says what's on his mind and the rationale behind it – in a diplomatic, caring way. He keeps things light hearted
12. Mr. Spock of Star Trek: Logic and fact is the anchor of his character, and analyzes data in the most non-biased way, displays minimal bit of human emotion and dogged loyalty to his team
13. Eric Cartman from South Park: immature, lazy, narcissistic and ill-tempered, but despite his many personality flaws, he is also depicted as being highly intelligent, outspoken, cunning and streetwise. He tends to make effective use of his capabilities by executing morally appalling – yet highly successful – business ideas (another one that worries me)
14. Nick Carraway from The Great Gatsby: excellent interpersonal awareness skills and trustworthiness among his friends and colleagues
15. "J" from the Men in Black movies: full of action, sense of humor to "laugh away" challenges and obstacles. He's a good team player, but also able to think independently and deliver on his own
16. Inspector Gadget: endless amount of tools and gadgets, overcomes obstacles and survives perilous situations by sheer good luck and with help from his team.

I would also like to point out that this was distributed to employees at large seemingly to motivate us to aspire.  Instead, I have decided to panic.

No, no, of course my feet don't hurt... plonk

Ok, so I don't really plonk when I fall down but I got tired of thud.

Such lovely weather. Fog as far as the eye can see which is not far given there's fog as far as the eye can see…

CRO investor conference webinar today. Bank large complicated RFI to be filled in before week's end. Possible PMO work at SOZE! All things that at the surface sound very boring but if you think about them hard turn out to be not so bad actually. Absolutely nothing happening in the CME or mobile space which of course is my core focus but such is the life of a brain for hire. We go where there is fish.

Feets quite bad but it is only I to blame for I may have brought upon evil eye by going around saying "my feet don't hurt". That and I walked back (and forth) from Harvard Square on cobblystones (damn things) on Saturday. And stood for about an hour at the wine tasting at Central Bottle yesterday. They served, among other things, 1) semolina pasta tossed with lemon, salt, butter and thyme and, 2) hazelnuts rolled in honey from bees who feed on avocado plants and dipped in dark chocolate. It is the nuts after they have been rolled in honey, not the bees, that are dipped. Very nice.

First acupuncture appointment today with PJ for the plantar fasciitis. Wish us luck. We are scared. We don't like pain. Or needles. Especially needles that cause pain.

Plants growing out of their pots and will have to be repotted into bigger ones soon. Very thrilling.

BBQ at Big Nick's on Saturday to which I will take the train because I intend to get happy drunk on wine coolers - such fun.

First violin lesson on Sunday for which I will need the following items - music stand, Suzuki Book 1, metronome with attached tuner and staff paper - all of which seem like needless expenses but I shall buy anyway because Alexis the Violin Teacher scares me a little.

The Complete Plays of George Bernard Shaw belonging to one dead grandfather unearthed from pile of books and given to book binder to resurrect - it's like getting something new that's also something (very) old. Book binder is slightly insane man named Robert Walker who likes to throw his patents for various medical devices (and a cigarette filter) in your face when you walk in the door. He put the word "horses" next to my name on the receipt. I don't quite know what to think about that. Sadly, I did not take a before picture. I shall post an after one.

I sit on my balcony smelling faintly of Bengay sipping homemade mocha marvelling at the wireless reception.

My professional life is fraught with dealing with people like this

Hah, finished!

That was ridiculously simple. Of course, I've prolly got it all wrong and my manager will probably kick me off the team for being a twit but hey, at least I got it done.

I also got started on the Change Management article for CIO.com. Ahead of deadline too, aren't you proud?

I'm watching Mind of Mencia and he just screamed something really funny which I wish you were here to share with. According to Carlos here, he's a true American for eating beef because wot cows do is they fart and release methane gas which is causing global warming and wot vegetarians do is eat valuable plants that creates oxygen for the rest of us to breathe. So, us carnivores are eating the problem and you veggies are eating the solution.

I thought you would get a kick outta that :)

Yes, I know, I need to blog

But I'm busy!

The mystery of IT help desk personnel

So I don't know if you've noticed this but most all IT help desk people are skinny short white chaps with pasty skin and spiky hair. At least all of them at my current client site are. It's true. They're all about 5'5". They all spike their hair. Look vaguely Israeli. Are always addressed by their last names. Skinnier than Resh (and you have to admit, Resh is pretty skinny). Skin so pasty you wonder if they've been eating hog feed. (Yes, I know that last one was gross). Which I don't quite understand. Admittedly the cafeteria smells like animals (btw, I just found out what the smell is around here - it's the smell of cooking animal feed) but the food isn't so bad. They had biscuits and gravy with sausage for breakfast yesterday. And there are windows in the IT department. I know, I've been there. There is sunlight. It's all very odd. They wear bell bottom jeans and striped t-shirts with heavy black boots. It's a whole new culture there.

It's almost like they're.... aliens.... or something.

"Clicks have doubled to 250 from 0 in 3 months"

I'm liking the beach. I learned how to make a sand sculpture from professional sand sculpturers. Who knew that there was such a profession. There has been some long boring sessions. Lots of mojitos. Some frolicking on the beach. Lots of drinking by the beach. Lots of chit chat. Plenty of networking. Some laughs. Some loneliness. And more mojitos.

Sadly leaving early tomorrow afternoon. Would have been nice to stay here the entire weekend. Nice to wake up to sounds of waves.

Should come back to Clearwater and Sand Key. It's really nice here.

Yes, in case you were wondering, I am in Florida.

"My engineer spends 70% of his time on data and 70% on voice"

So like, here I am again. The only time I get to blog is when I'm stuck at the airport waiting for a flight to land so mine can take off. And such is the case today. There was this teeny bit of torrential rainfall at 3:30 so my 6 pm flight is delayed 2 hours. This is because since it was raining, no flights could land in Atlanta. Which somehow means that no flights could take off from Charleston, South Carolina to land in Atlanta to take me to Boston. Why is this? Why do flights not take off if their destination is being rained on? Do they not know that by the time they are ready to land, the clouds will have moved on? Don't we have weather systems to predict this? Aren't there people who make weather their day jobs?

It's all very suspicious.

Well, let's see. Wot have I been up to. Well, I moved in to the new place. Everything is still in boxes and hopefully will get sorted this weekend. Went white water rafting on the Dead River in Maine on Labor Day weekend which was fun. Rented a car and went for a drive-about to Lexington last weekend to Sleepy Mouse's end of summer party. Caught an impromptu movie on the way back (Chak de India) (wasn't bad).

The Atlanta engagement is getting hairier by the hour. Systems are deployed and have to be patched because they have a bug. Other Systems just decide to randomly topple over. It's all very challenging. The Director changes his mind every other day. That's even more challenging. I'm trying to get out of there before the Network dies or some silliness of that sort happens. Aiming for end of next week but I might be extended for some eTOM/NGOSS funkiness for a couple of weeks thereafter.

On the plus side, by the end of next week, I'll get Gold status at Starwood Hotels. I will have to endure the Sheraton for two nights though. Still, shouldn't be that bad.

I should unpack the boxes if only to get at the many books I still haven't read. I could breeze through an entire box in no time if flights keep doing this to me.

Should prolly have a house-warming soon. Will you come?

People of Middle Georgia! Unite!

Overheard at the water cooler:

Andy: Wolfe, why have you marked my project red? It's not overdue.
Wolfe: Because there is a strong possibility that it will be and we'd rather know now than later.
Andy: But that makes me look bad!
Wolfe: Not delivering always makes people look bad. Wot's yer point?
Andy: But it shouldn't be red, it should be amber.
Wolfe: Are you going to deliver on schedule?
Andy: Oh, no way, there's 0% chance.
Wolfe: That's why it's red, Andy.

Ah, the joys of PMO.

Belko goes home!

So like, three cities in one week. Very nice. I'm tired.

Lots of packing up house to do this weekend. In fact, ALL the packing up house to do this weekend for big impending move to Cambridge. Took ages to get out of Atlanta yesterday wot with traffic and freak thunderstorms. Didn't get to NYC until 1 am which took care of aspirations to eat fine Japanese food for supper on 3rd Ave.

Can I just say - you know those little air nozzles on planes above your head? I really hate those. They have this annoying way of blowing air in your direction even when they're not pointed at you. And why the hell don't airlines carry enough blankets for everyone?! I swear, American Airlines has a total average of 5.3 blankets in their entire US fleet. I shall take to travelling with cardigan and shawl like old rickety person.

The Chrysler building is nice but rather small on the inside. Also, something is very odd with these windows because I'm on the 30+ floor and I can still hear traffic and honking and sirens. There's a constant din in this city which makes it much like Mumbai and therefore, if you ask me, overrated.

Sadly, I have to leave for the airport soon for my flight to Boston and this weekend jaunt in NYC had to be cancelled due to mad last minute packing up of house so no Blue Room for me. Perhaps next time.

Can't wait to get home.

In other news, sprained ankle is doing well and healing nicely but twinges of pain in heel still remain. Watch this space for accounts of how I'm going to become the first bionic woman.

'tis a lonely life I lead

There was once a consultant named Barzini
And all she ever wanted was a martini
But instead from Atlanta she took a flight
And imagine puir Barzini's plight
A thunderstorm drowned her martini

So now she sits on the tarmac
For due to the training she lacked
They sent her to New York
A later flight! No lark
And woe, one less blouse she has packed

But hope!

Soon the clouds will clear
The man next to her will stop his leer
Airborne she will be
So desperately she needs to pee
A veritable force of nature, no fear!

So back to her song
No more Blackberry pong
For to Times Square we go
To stay at the Marriot, dontcha know
Perhaps to dine at the House of Fong!


Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Must not bitch-slap collegues

Even when they're being snotty and nasty and generally bitchy.

Can I just say though, it's nice to be back home in Boston. Landed last night. Flight was delayed 1.5 hrs (thank you AirTran) and went to bed tired and hungry thinking to myself that I'd better start getting used to this and that it was so nice to be back home in Boston. Heavenly Beds notwithstanding. Don't get me wrong, I love the Westin and the fact that I can lounge about nekkid but there's nothing like one's own satin sheets, knowwotimean? Sadly I don't think I'll have time to go sailing this weekend either.

I have an office to myself today which is nice so I don't have to worry about people peering over my shoulder and if dem bitches get really annoying, I can always close the door.

That ham and cheese croissant I had for breakfast was so good, I think I'll have another for lunch.

Lots of packing to do this weekend. Would be nice to get some friends together though. Wot are your plans?

I do like St. Paul's Cathedral

So, like, you'll be pleased to know (or not, given that you're in an obnoxious mood these days and don't care for my writings anymore) (in which case I wonder why you keep popping by) (because deep down inside you know you adore me) that I have scored a flat. Yessiree bob, I have me a very nice 1 bd/1.5 bth/bney/air/pkg unit right by Central Square for September on. Yay me. It was hell getting it and it's stupidly expensive but at least I'm not homeless and now all we have to do is pray I get the keys before 7 pm on Aug 31 or the movers will have moved me with me not having a place to move to. You are, of course, welcome to visit whenever you like. There will be fluffy towels and lots of chocolate biccies for you.

Was back from Atlanta Thursday night, ran around signing leases on Friday and flew to London Friday night. London is a fantastic city with some very fantastic people. Sadly, I did not get to meet Walshy but perhaps next time. There will be a next time. There will be plenty of next times for I feel strangely drawn to that town. Perhaps it has something to do with all dem chocolate biccies.

Spent the weekend with RK and his clan and the rest of my clan in Rickmansworth. Black Cobra was very pleased to see me as I was to see her and full of Norway stories (remind me to scan in the postcard from the North Cape). Mum bought me a black cardigan and two pashminas which was much appreciated for London can get chilly in the evenings. Pops was in top form which is always good to see. RK's family were loud and plentiful (as usual) and a jolly good time was had by all. Except on Saturday when I sprained my left ankle (yes, again) (don't start on my case now, I'll get the damn surgery when I have the time to get the damn surgery) and was sulking for most of the day. A few quick ones at the Peking Garden and I was alright though. Becoming a member of the Barracuda Club was an added bonus.

Then I went to Horsley in East Surrey for company induction with a bunch of very odd but also amusing people. Horsley, if you've never been there, is by far the smallest village I've seen in a developed country. The people at induction were fine enough and there were a few I wanted to slap a number of times (but didn't). There were also the token drunken half-wits who thought it would be good fun to stagger into sessions hungover and sullen and general pain-in-arses after spending the better part of the night standing on pub benches belting out dirty Swedish jokes about seamen and penises. There was this one awful day when I had to walk 45 minutes to find a shop that sells toothpaste and hobble back on a very swollen foot and the center was a little primitive but it had a castle and a moat and some nice countryside with sheep and lots of gourmet food with gourmet wine and all that so it wasn't so bad.

Back for the weekend in Herts with RK and clan with the highlight of the trip being a visit with The Bean who I've always secretly been in love with and more so now that I've re-found him after 2.5 years. Sadly, he's seeing Malay nephrologists and is therefore not available and that besides the fact that we live on opposite ends of a very vast ocean puts a damper in my plans to have as many babies as I possibly can with him.

Saw many a London landmark but I couldn't possibly tell you about any of them because..well... quite frankly I wasn't in the touristy mood at all. They were very beautiful and memorable but I don't remember them. I think I was a little lonely. Well, I think I was very lonely. Seeing Beans was good for that. I had forgotten how much we had in common and how alike we were. It was refreshing to reconnect with an old pal who I once used to proudly call my twin. He has done very well for himself and seeing him happy made me happy. It also made me envious but mostly happy. He did say something that resonated with me about putting down roots and how we kids from Dubai who are third nationals always wonder about where we come from and where we belong. Before I do so, however, I think I want to do some intense European travelling and possibly living. I need to see more of the world.

I'm at crowded Heathrow now surrounded by annoyingly loud children (why is it illegal to slap other people's nasty kids?) and my BTOpenZone signal is very weak so this post will have to wait until I get back to Boston to be posted.

I did see Bar de lune's 3 cd collection of Punjabi Lounge music at the Duty Free but I think I'll just download it online instead. Bloody hell, I've just remembered I've checked in my headphones. Looks like I'll have to put up with the horrid screamers a little longer.

Back to Atlanta tomorrow early am.

Leave me a nice comment this time.