Thursday, August 30, 2012

Just be perfect. Then be perfect some more. No pressure.

I would like to bring your attention to something that I found quite distressing recently.  At my employer, Consulting Firm Extraordinaire, a poll was taken to have knowledge workers answer the following question - "Which fictional character do you think would make an excellent Firm consultant and why?"  I present to you some of the (editorialized) responses, which, to be fair, are also partly a reflection of the personalities and working styles of the folks who wrote them:
  1. Buzz Lightyear: He's prepared to travel, willing to go the extra mile (indeed to infinity and beyond), shows leadership and capacity to handle change in new environments
  2. Jerry Seinfeld: He makes his audience stop and question its everyday activities, he is entertaining, and he is excellent at speaking in front of a crowd
  3. Superman / Superwoman: has the superpower abilities to cover every eventuality – exactly like a Firm consultant, just without the costume (this one worries me greatly since it came from a Big Cheese)
  4. Roadrunner: He's fast, he's great at avoiding trouble and he always blazes a trail
  5. Jack Bauer from 24: no matter how difficult or grave the situation, he fearlessly dives into it and always finds a way to overcome obstacles and challenges to save the day. He knows how to handle stress well and leverage whatever "assets" and clues he can find to solve the problem and save the day. … Plus he has no problem working 24 hours straight without complaining
  6. Mma Precious Ramotswe from the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency: She gives sound advice, will go to great lengths to solve her client's problems, provides a fresh perspective and is market-leading
  7. Disney's Mulan: dedicated, courageous, values-driven and a good problem solver
  8. Chandler from "Friends": charming wit, impeccable fashion sense, perfectly coiffed hair and ability to say anything without saying anything at all
  9. Sherlock Holmes: recognizes that the loudest opinion is not equivalent to the solution, employs deductive reasoning, thoroughly investigates all possibilities, assesses and understands the details (even the supposedly irrelevant ones), finds the relationships among disparate information, asks a lot of questions and never gives up
  10. Dr. John Watson: knows how to solve complex problems, he's a team player
  11. Elmo: he takes all his conversational topics and tries to distill them into the simple, salient points. He always says what's on his mind and the rationale behind it – in a diplomatic, caring way. He keeps things light hearted
  12. Mr. Spock of Star Trek: Logic and fact is the anchor of his character, and analyzes data in the most non-biased way, displays minimal bit of human emotion and dogged loyalty to his team
  13. Eric Cartman from South Park: immature, lazy, narcissistic and ill-tempered, but despite his many personality flaws, he is also depicted as being highly intelligent, outspoken, cunning and streetwise. He tends to make effective use of his capabilities by executing morally appalling – yet highly successful – business ideas (another one that worries me)
  14. Nick Carraway from The Great Gatsby: excellent interpersonal awareness skills and trustworthiness among his friends and colleagues
  15. "J" from the Men in Black movies: full of action, sense of humor to "laugh away" challenges and obstacles. He's a good team player, but also able to think independently and deliver on his own
  16. Inspector Gadget: endless amount of tools and gadgets, overcomes obstacles and survives perilous situations by sheer good luck and with help from his team.
I would also like to point out that this was distributed to employees at large seemingly to motivate us to aspire.  Instead, I have decided to panic.

1 comment:

Dawg said...

You take this shit too seriously